It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
