If i come over, it means nothing
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
