it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
