The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
