he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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