By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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