The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
