And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
