Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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