I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
