Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
