we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
