I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can you repeat that, but with context?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
