Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
