Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
