he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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