You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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