hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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