I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
