Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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