I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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