I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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