Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
this hospital has no fireball
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
