We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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