tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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