Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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