Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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