im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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