I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
