its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
