I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she told me i tasted like america
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
