She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
