The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
