She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
