Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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