One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
