I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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