Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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