I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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