I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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