The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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