the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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