Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
