No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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