were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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