I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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