It was confusing and full of hummus
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize