no, he came in my armpit
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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