yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
