I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
