We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
