I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we should paint friendship bongs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
