just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize