Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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