If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
