When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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