So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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