i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize