I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
