So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
