so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were destined to go to rehab together
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
