he shaved USA in his pubs
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Vodka?
Forever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
