I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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