trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
