Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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