Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
