I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
