SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
