Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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