My nipple is on Facebook.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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