): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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